Greetings, Brave Souls!
A quick note before we begin: This one's different. No parodies, no comedy, no safety net of laughs. This is actual cosmic horror. The kind that keeps you up at night. Consider yourselves warned.
Remember when we promised more horror? Well, we're keeping that promise, but this time we're trading xenomorphs for something far older, far stranger, and significantly less interested in your personal safety.
We're thrilled (and slightly terrified) to announce our Halloween production:
"WHEN THE STARS ARE RIGHT: A TALE OF COSMIC HORROR"
A story about academic curiosity, terrible decisions, and why some research papers should really just be left unread.
What Awaits:
A journey from ancient Rome to the modern day (because cosmic horror has excellent time management)
Multiple volcanic eruptions across continents (we're told this is "atmospheric")
Characters who discover that ignorance truly is bliss
Warnings carved in stone that everyone ignores (as one does)
Live sound effects and the creeping realization that some questions shouldn't be answered
Musical interludes that probably won't make you feel better about anything (though let's be honest, our track record on uplifting musical numbers isn't exactly stellar)
The Bottom Line:
Witness academics doing what they do best: ignoring every red flag, reading forbidden texts, and boldly going where ancient civilizations specifically told them not to go. Learn valuable lessons about cosmic insignificance, the limitations of human understanding, and why our species' complete irrelevance in the grand scheme of things is actually the good news.
Coming This Halloween - because nothing says "festive" like existential dread and the heat death of meaning itself!
"When the stars are right, something wakes. Spoiler: It's not friendly."
The Kryptonite Radio Theater Players
P.S. - No actual eldritch abominations were disturbed in the making of this production. We hope.
P.P.S. - This is a non-musical horror show. No singing heros. Character development through screaming only.
P.P.P.S. - Yes, there still will be songs. No, they won't lighten the mood.